Not a lot of things distress me - well apart from Darfur, the state of British politics and the inability to find a pair of Doc Marten 'Le Sequin' boots in my size - but there comes a time when one has to simply shake one's head and despair at the modern world. There have been three or four such occasions in my full 'Farewell tour' diary recently and it appears to be getting worse. Standards are slipping and when you try and explain what it is should happen, why it should happen and why it's simply WRONG in any other way, you are met with an air of puzzlement or - even worse - total incomprehension. Tea making. Yes, tea making.
I only drink Earl Grey. Yes, I know a little bit wanky and I apologise for that. I can drink any kind of bad coffee as long (as the saying goes) as it's warm and wet with a spot of sugar in it. My favourite treat is a Starbucks decaff/skinny/caramel/latte which makes that trip round the shops go with an extra zing but tea is Important. It is Sacred. And I simply can't start the day without it.
But in the last few weeks there have been such terrible descecrations of the art that I have been lost for words at such cavalier behaviour.
Travelling to London. My first class coccooned splendour used to be (in the days of Midland Mainline)a safe haven of polite and quiet well-behaved service. Now that East Midlands Trains are running the ship (train?) I'm afraid that standards are slipping. Oh, they still come round with the flasks of tea and coffee and I normally wait and ask them - when they have a minute - if I can have a POT of Earl Grey. It's not such a hardship and I don't mind waiting. But when they turn up with a tea bag in a mug and offer to pour hot water over it I can't help but wonder if I am being a teensy bit of a pain in the fundament to them and this is their revenge.
Travelling from London. Three days later and with a different crew. Same request. A teapot arrives. Full of hot water and with the tea bag on the side still in the paper wrapper. I sigh. But at least they've got the idea...
A Birmingham hotel. When I made my reservation I asked for extra towels and tea pot in the room. But natch, it wasn't there. So I called down for one. . So I called and explained (such a simple request really) that I wanted a TEAPOT in my ROOM for making TEA. They didn't quite seem to get it. Were there no tea making facilities in my room? Yes, I explained but no TEAPOT to make the TEA IN. They seemed very non-plussed by this as if I had asked for a Matter-tronic Brain Enabler as standard. So with some slight confusion and after ten minutes of speaking to housekeeping, room service and reception AGAIN, they said they would send one up. They did. They sent up a tea-tray, with sugar bowl, milk jug, biscuits, a cup and saucer and... a pot of hot water with tea bags on the side again. And charged me £5 for the delight too.
So look, if ANY hoteliers - or ANYONE in the service and catering industry - are reading this then please, please teach your staff - especially those who do not have English as a first language and you are paying a pittance - EXACTLY what a teapot is and why it is not a startling desire to have one in your room.
Trust me, it will save a lot of exasperation and shouting.
